Life, as of 2-6-11

It's been a long time since I posted on here, and maybe inspired by Amanda Baker's recently reinvigorated blog, I'm wanting (for probably the third or fourth time) to start posting more and getting some more of my ideas put to paper. What form that might take will vary significantly from one moment to the next, but I hope at the least to entertain.

I'm at a point now where my career is ultimately in my hands. as I'm a month out from my comprehensive exam (presumably, I don't take anything for granted where this process is concerned) and I finally, at long last, after much fumbling about and not getting anything worth a damn in the lab, have found an interaction between one of our virus's proteins and a host protein that could prove to answer a problem that has existed in the HPV field for some time now: how exactly the virus tethers itself to host chromosomes during mitosis to ensure segregation. It's been a long road, and there's a ton of work left to go before anything conclusive can be determined from the work, thus far, but it was definitely encouraging to finally get a little light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, we're entering an important time for determining in the Angeletti lab. I don't think it's any kind of secret that we've had some issues with funding. Hell, the entire scientific community is reeling. PIs in my building that have never had funding problems are suddenly getting their grant applications rejected for the first time in decades. A couple of years ago, the keynote speaker from our annual Flyswat meeting, one of the leaders in his field, had a grant get the highest score he'd ever received on one of his grant applications and had it end up NOT FUNDED. And that's in a situation where the NIH budget has simply failed to increase from one year to the next. Now, this year, the NIH budget is going to be reduced possibly 5-10%. This could be a horrific set of years for the science business, which admittedly puts us in the same place as a large number of other workers all throughout this country.

That's the bad news. The good news, however, is that ultimately that doesn't make a difference to whether I get out of here or not. It's on me now. Hell, the budget problems are just a reason for my boss to want to get me graduated and moved on down the road. I've got no one to look at but myself at this point, and I think that's finally starting to settle in. It's a humbling feeling, having your future in your hands, but it's also empowering. I know, in some part of my heart, that this is it, make or break time. Time to stand up, time to get moving, time to get WRITING.

That's where I'm stuck now. Those who spend time doing any kind of writing under stand what I'm talking about when I talk about the daunting feeling you get when you sit down and try to start writing. Californication's Hank Moudy refers often to the blank page, ultimately ever writer's best friend and greatest nemesis. I really don't know what it is about starting out that is so difficult. Ultimately once you get writing it just seems to flow (for me at least) but it's those first words that are always the hardest to put down. Maybe that's part of why I'm posting this today, trying to prime the pump. Here's hoping it works out.

Another bit of writing I've been doing of late is a return to my homebrew campaign world in an effort to repair the trouble that I've set in motion there long ago. It's a great feeing being behind the GM screen again, to be honest. I like creating a D&D character and putting him out in someone else's world, but it's really a special occasion to be in charge of the whole thing. It's indescribable to someone who hasn't done it before. It's creative writing. It's improvisational theatre. It's game design. It's being responsible for not just your fun but also the fun of the other players (I have 7) that are sitting around the table with you. When it works, it's just flat out magic. My GMing Hall of Fame is filled with moments like scaring the hell out of one of my friends with a little girl's ghost, instantly turning an otherwise jovial game session into a night where my party was quietly angry and determined to beat the fictional nemesis I had placed before them, and my all time favorite campaign, the truly special Dragonlance game that has filled our memories with gaming stories that have endured for years. And it all started once again, with my party waking up in a mass grave and fighting desperately to escape from a zombies, grave robbers, an ettin, and the rain waters slowly flooding the cemetery.

It's good to be back.

And last but not least, I'm with a wonderful woman with two great kids. No one should be too surprised that I'm not supremely comfortable publishing my personal life to the world via the intranets, but I'm happy. Very happy. It's not every day you find someone who can take a day that has been awful from top to bottom, leaving me ready to just lay into somebody or sink into myself and just wallow in self-misery for the rest of the day and, just by seeing her, make it all go away in a flash. It's something I never really thought I would have again, let alone find myself in the position of wondering if I've ever actually had it previously. Any time my apartment building gets sold to a new owner, my car gets a parking ticket for parking on a street two days after it snows, or things are falling apart at work, I can think of lucky I am to have found what I've found with Jen, and all the rest of it seems inconsequential.

So that's me, as of today. Now I'm off, to resume celebrating a certain World Champion football team. Go Pack Go.